How To Rebuild Trust In A Marriage Through Consistency

You’ve obviously landed on this page because you have done something to destroy the trust that your spouse has in you and now you need to know how to rebuild trust in a marriage. I know just as well as anyone else ( see my story here), trust is a major factor in ensuring that you have a healthy and loving marriage.

In this post we will look at reasons why your spouse might not trust you as well as some ways that you are going to be able to rebuild the trust in your marriage again.

Keep in mind… this is not going to be a simple task. It is going to take some consistent action on your part but rest assured if you implement what I will teach you in this post then your spouse will eventually be able to trust you again.

What you will learn in this post will work for repairing trust issues both big and small. I don’t know what your story is but if your looking for answers to any of the following then this method can work for you if you are consistent and willing to put in the work:

• how to regain trust in a relationship after lying
• how to fix a marriage after cheating
• how to work on trust in a relationship
• how to build trust after its been broken

Trust Is Earned, Not Thrown Away!

I’m sure that you have probably heard the term “Trust is earned”, I remember my wife used to say “Trust is earned, not thrown away on trash like like you”. She wasn’t refering to me when she was saying this, it was just a saying of hers.

I believe that this saying stands very true though.

Mort Fertel says “to trust someone is to be able to predict their behaviour“. For example when your spouse leaves the house you know exactly where they are and exactly when they will be home.

Most times I know what my wife is going to do in a situation even before she knows what she is going to do, and vice versa. We can predict each others behaviour, or trust that they are going to react in a certain way!

To have that kind of trust or predictability in a person they must have earned it to some extent, right?

And I’m sure at some point in your relationship with your spouse they had full trust in you because you had earned that trust. So what happened to cause your spouse not to trust you or not be able to predict what you will do?

Why Doesn’t My Spouse Trust Me

Trust is a very fragile part of a relationship and it is something that can be broken very easily yet trust is very hard to rebuild.

For some people reading this you know excactly why your partner does not trust you. You have done something very big like cheating, lying, being abusive, financial secrecy etc. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure where the trust has been been broken.

Then there are going to be those who can’t seem to figure out why thier spouse doesn’t trust them. As I mentioned trust is very fragile and can be slowly broken over a series of small events. If this is you, you need to be very honest with yourself when trying to figure out why your spouse does not trust you. Ask yourself questions like the following?

• Do you often forget to perform tasks that you have said you would?
• Are you quick to gossip or throw loved ones under the bus?
• Are you a habitual liar, little white lies or big ones?
• Are you explosive and unpredictable?
• Are you insensitive to your spouse?
• Are you constantly late? 

How To Rebuild Trust In A Marriage…

So how do you earn your trust back once it has been broken? I’ll get to that in just one second…

First it’s important to remember, there is no quick fix to rebuild trust in a marriage. Trust can only be earned one small step at a time through consistent ongoing action. You have to get back to the point where your actions are going to be predictable and that is going to take time.

Also it is very important to remember through this process that there is no room for error. If you do one thing to break that trust you will potentially have to start right from square one.

Now let’s start to get into the meat and potatoes of how you are going to earn your spouses trust back!

The name of the game is… Make and keep promises! Sounds simple right?

You want to create opportunities for yourself to make a promise and then you have to be sure to follow through with that promise. Do not make any promise that you cannot keep.

The name of the game here is not to make big promises but rather make a series of small promises. Consistantly make and keep these small promises over an extended period of time and naturally your spouse will have no choice but to trust you.

Here are some examples of promises that you can make and keep that will help build trust:

• “Honey, I’ll grab milk after work”
• “How about I give you a back rub tonight before bed”
• “Why don’t I make dinner on Saturday and give you the night off”
• “I’ll mow the lawn on Wednesday”
• “Let your Mom know I’ll help her install the dishwasher on Sunday”
• “Why don’t I take the kids for breakfast Saturday morning and let you sleep in”
• “I’m going for a drink with my brother after work, I’ll be home at 7:15”

As you can see, these are not huge promises. But I’m sure that you’ll agree, they are in fact promises. As long as you are consistent with making promises like these then you are well on your way to rebuilding trust.

But if Wednesday rolls around and you say “Actually babe, I’m not feeling good. I’ll mow the lawn tomorrow” or “Honey I’m just calling to let you know that I’m going to be a little later than 7:15”, you have now potentially broke all trust again.

How NOT To Rebuild Trust In A Marriage…

One thing that you will see a ton nowadays is people saying that you need to keep an open dialogue or full disclosure. For example, give your spouse open access to your text messages, facebook account, twitter account, instagram, snapchat and the list goes on and on.

This method will not help you in anyway, in fact often times it will only make things worse. All that this will do is give you information and information is in no way related to trust. Information is connected to curiosity, not trust.

You might find information through this process but if you don’t trust someone then who is to say that you aren’t going to think that they are just hiding something else. Maybe they have another “secret” facebook account, or email or phone… Im sure you get the point.

Trust is about not having information but being able to predict what your spouse will do and know without a shadow of a doubt that you can trust them. It is the absense of information that makes this method work not vice versa.

So if you have an open dialogue or full disclosure typre of agreement I would suggest, STOP at once. It will not help your situation at all and could potentially make things worse.

Conclusion On Building Trust In A Relationship

Make and keep, make and keep is the name of the game. The more opportunities that you can create for yourself to make little promises and keep them, the quicker that you will see this work.

Do not make promises that you know you cannot keep. So keep your promises very small but make lots of them.

And do not mess this up. It’s like climbing a ladder, if you are almost to the top and slip off one rung of the ladder, it is next to impossible to stop yourself before you hit the bottom.

And last but not least. Do not keep an open dialogue, it will not help anyone in this situation. You are learning how to rebuild trust in a marriage through a lack of information because information is in no way related to trust, it is related to curiousity and curiosity does not build trust.

Cheers,

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Email: marriagefitnessreviewed@gmail.com

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